{The Living Lohan Title card is shown}
Announcer: And now back to Living Lohan.
Dina Lohan: Ali, who drank all the (fucking) orange juice?
Ali Lohan: I don't know mom, maybe the (fucking) Orange Juice Fairy did it!
Dina: Don't get smart with me!
Ali: Well, don't you be a big ranting bitch face!
Both: I NEED A CIGARETTE!!
Dina: Augh! Why are all these cameras always invading my privacy?
{Gyro-Robo is playing next to a sprinkler in his yard with a broom}
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Sorry, Cobra Commander, but your Weather Dominator, currently stuck on rain, apparently, is no match for the ninja skills of Snake Eyes! {Ali peers over the fence looking at Gyro-Robo} Oops, supposed to be me.
Ali: Ha, ha, ha, ha! What are you doing?
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: That is no concern of yours, civilian! Identify yourself at once! Preferably with a capable, shapeable file card.
Ali: I'm Ali Lohan. Duh! My mom and I just moved into this crappy neighborhood to shoot our TV show, called Living Lohan.
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Aren't you a little young to be smoking?
Ali: Aren't you a little fat to be fat? Knock-knock. Who's there? You love food! {Ali jumps off the fence}
Daniel's Mother: Honey, were you talking to the new neighbor? I think their dog's been pooping in our yard.
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: What? Awww, poop!
{Goes to Lindsay's kitchen}
Lindsay Lohan: Go to hell, mom! I told you! I'm not gonna be on your show! It's demeaning to my career. {makes "cut" sign to camera man} I'm gonna try that again with 10 percent more conviction. Or possibly, 1000 PERCENT!!! {doorbell rings} Who in god's green Smurf are you?
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Madame, does it look like my name is Tripwire? Because as I am not the GI Joe minesweeper, I would appreciate it if your dog didn't leave chocolate land mines all over my yard!
Lindsay: Okay, nothing you said made any sense!
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Don't let your dog go poopie!
Lindsay: Oh, OH!! {Flashback to one nighttime} Ha, ha, ha, ha! Dah, dah, dah, dum, dum! Ha, night dump! I'm just fermalizing the lawn, aah! {back to present} Bad dog! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
{At Daniel/Gyro-Robo's front lawn}
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Firebolt! Firebolt!
Terrence: Freezearrow! FreezeArrow!
Nerd: Ork, ork, ork! I'm an ork!
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Terrence, I gotta say, I'm not buying this at all, so...
Lindsay: Beep, Beep! Honk, honk! I'm Herbie! {hits Daniel/Gyro-Robo and Terrence}
Terrence: Hey!
Lindsay: Loud horn! (Fuck) You! Good job, Herbie!
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Excuse me! This is a parallel universe, where savagery meets sorcery! There is no Herbie.
Lindsay: Herbie is magic, idiot! {kicks nerd down} Beep beep!
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Stop it!
Lindsay: Aughh! Why are you always following me? {Cues cameraman to come closer, whispers} Follow me.
Munson: ...and in this corner, it's Munson! {steps on Terrence}
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Get out of here, Munson!
Munson: {Knocks Gyro-Robo down, then slaps him} Munson one, gay crap zero!
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Stop it, Munson! Oh, how I hate you!
Lindsay: Beep, beep!. {Looks at Munson} Oooh, a bad boy!
Munson: Oh, a damaged chick with daddy issues. {slaps Gyro-Robo} Hey baby, I got a silo...
Lindsay: I don't know what that is, but I hope it means penis!
{Daniel is watching Living Lohan on TV}
Lindsay: Too bad, mom. I love him, and I'm pregnant!! (the camera zooms out, revealing that Lindsay has a pregnant stomach)
Dina: Well, so am I! (The camera turns to Dina, who also has a baby bump.)
Lindsay: Well, your baby's gonna have cobwebs, cause you're all old, and your notaries are all bunched up and dusty!!
Dina: (Fuck) You!
(Cuts to Ali, who enters the room, smoking a cigarette. She also has a baby bump.)
Ali: Why didn't anyone pick me up after my (fucking) ultrasound?!
Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Ah, looks like I'm moving again.
Dina: I'M THE GREATEST MOM IN THE WORLD!!!