[Scene: On a street, at Christmas time as snow falls with a Santa ringing a bell for charity in the background, three young boys sing a holiday favorite...]
- Boys: (singing) Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg! The Batmobile lost its...
[One of the boys, Dougie, turns and bumps into someone... it's the Caped Crusader himself alongside Robin.]
- Dougie: Batman?
[Santa turns, sees the dynamic duo and quickly runs off in a panic]
- Batman: Keep singing boys, we were learning a lot.
- Robin: Yeah, I never knew Batman had an odor problem.
- Batman: (he sniffs under his armpits) Hmm... weird, I don't smell anything. Do you Dougie?
[Batman grabs Dougie's head and stuffs forces the boy's face into his armpit. Dougie's muffled screams can be heard]
- Batman: I can't hear you.
[Batman throws Dougie back to his friends]
- Dougie: (starting to cry) I want my mommy!
- Batman: Yeah, me too.
[Batman and Robin high-five at this, before Robin steps forward towards the now frightened boys]
- Robin: I may be named after a bird, but that doesn't mean I'm dropping eggs.
[The Boy Wonder suddenly grabs Dougie's head and starts slamming it into his ass-cheeks]
- Robin: You wanna check these for some eggs? Huh, you see any fucking eggs in there?!
[Robin lets Dougie go]
Boy: We gotta go. Run! Get out of here!
[The three boys start to run down the street]
- Robin: They're getting away, Batman!
- Batman: Not on my watch.
[Batman presses a button on his glove. Suddenly, as the three boys run for it the Batmobile (which certainly hasn't 'lost a wheel') arrives and runs them all over]
- Batman: The rats are scattering.
- Robin: (pulling out and swinging his Bolo Whip) Holy these motherfuckers aren't going anywhere!
[Robin throws the Bolo Whip which wraps round one of the boys feet, tripping him up and causing him to land on his face causing gruesome injuries.
Batman then throws a Batarang, which lodges itself firmly in Dougie's back causing him to fall. As the boy struggles for life, Batman walks over and throws a few more in his back and a final one in his head, finishing him off.
As the final boy climbs onto the kerb, Robin walks up]
- Boy: (desperate) Sorry!
- Robin: You can tell your dentist I'm sorry.
[Robin raises his leg and kerb-stomps the boy... and as he does, we cut to reality, as a music teacher is telling this story to one of the young boys in his class as his horrified classmates listen on]
Music Teacher ...and the police didn't even investigate the children's disappearance as Batman is above the law. But please Troy, keep singing your hilarious version of 'Jingle Bells' and fucking up my Christmas program. No? All right then, from the top.