Friend 1: You're not really an atheist, are you, Todd?

Todd: Look, I just don't believe in the whole heaven/hell thing.

(gets run over by a bus)

Friend 1: Wow. What an unfortunate...uh...

Friend 2: Plot device?

Friend 1: Yeah, plot device.

(in heaven, Todd's an angel)

Todd: Holy sh*t, heaven does exist!

(walks through gates)

Todd: Holy sh*t! It's beautiful!

(klaxon blares, angels screaming)

Todd: Wh-what? What's going on?

Angel: (pushes Todd down) Get down!

(a plane comes, sucking up three angels in the engine)

God: Damn you, FAA!

(airplane control man laughs heartily and coughs)

Grandma: Todd!

Todd: Holy sh*t! Grandma! It's so good to see you! And...Uncle Steve. Holy sh*t, they let you in here?

Uncle Steve: Yeah. Turns out we were doing stuff the priests were into themselves. Heh...lucky me.

Clown: I was a serial killer, but repented in prison. Went to heaven!

Crusader: I killed hundreds in the name of our Lord.

(Todd is surprised to see Hitler)

Hitler: I'm just as surprised as you are.

(angel playing a horn)

Todd: Uh, hey. Hey, you work here.

Archangel: Since day one. What can I do for you?

Todd: Wh-what's with the hypocrisy around here? Why is Uncle Steve here? A-and the serial killer gets in because he repents?

Archangel: Well, if you're gonna bitch so much, I can return you to Earth at any time.

Todd: Really?

Archangel: Sure. Just look over there... (archangel kicks Todd very far away)

(Todd screams)

Archangel: Hehehe...ah. Douchebag.

(on Earth)

Friend 1: So there was this truck, and it came out of nowhere, you see, and it hit our friend.

(Todd's soul, screaming, falls into his shattered body)

Todd: Holy sh*t! It's a miracle! Hey guys, I'm back! And I have so much to...

(a police man shoots the zombie five times, re-killing him)

Friend 2: Wow, that's...uh...that's so, uh...

Policeman: Ironic?

Friend 2: Yeah, yeah, ironic.

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