Friend 1: You're not really an atheist, are you, Todd?
Todd: Look, I just don't believe in the whole heaven/hell thing.
(gets run over by a bus)
Friend 1: Wow. What an unfortunate...uh...
Friend 2: Plot device?
Friend 1: Yeah, plot device.
(in heaven, Todd's an angel)
Todd: Holy sh*t, heaven does exist!
(walks through gates)
Todd: Holy sh*t! It's beautiful!
(klaxon blares, angels screaming)
Todd: Wh-what? What's going on?
Angel: (pushes Todd down) Get down!
(a plane comes, sucking up three angels in the engine)
God: Damn you, FAA!
(airplane control man laughs heartily and coughs)
Todd: Holy sh*t! Grandma! It's so good to see you! And...Uncle Steve. Holy sh*t, they let you in here?
Uncle Steve: Yeah. Turns out we were doing stuff the priests were into themselves. Heh...lucky me.
Clown: I was a serial killer, but repented in prison. Went to heaven!
Crusader: I killed hundreds in the name of our Lord.
(Todd is surprised to see Hitler)
Hitler: I'm just as surprised as you are.
(angel playing a horn)
Todd: Uh, hey. Hey, you work here.
Archangel: Since day one. What can I do for you?
Todd: Wh-what's with the hypocrisy around here? Why is Uncle Steve here? A-and the serial killer gets in because he repents?
Archangel: Well, if you're gonna bitch so much, I can return you to Earth at any time.
Archangel: Sure. Just look over there... (archangel kicks Todd very far away)
Archangel: Hehehe...ah. Douchebag.
Friend 1: So there was this truck, and it came out of nowhere, you see, and it hit our friend.
(Todd's soul, screaming, falls into his shattered body)
Todd: Holy sh*t! It's a miracle! Hey guys, I'm back! And I have so much to...
(a police man shoots the zombie five times, re-killing him)
Friend 2: Wow, that's...uh...that's so, uh...
Friend 2: Yeah, yeah, ironic.