Turner Corporate Board RoomEdit

Corporate Lackey #1: Pan-Global Oil keeps dumping sludge into the Atlantic Ocean!

Ted Turner: That burns my ass!

Corporate Lackey #2: Forget it, Ted. There's nothing you can do.

Ted Turner: Maybe I can't. But Captain Planet can!

Corporate Lackey #3: (makes "crazy" hand gesture)

Ted Turner's BathroomEdit

Ted smears blue war-paint on himself

Ted Turner: Captain Planet!


...(Corporate Lackey walks in, and walks right back out)

Turner Corporate LobbyEdit

Ted Turner: Captain Planet!

Secretary #2: Oh!

City, ExteriorEdit

Ted Turner: Captain Planet!

City StreetEdit

(Man throws can into trash, instead of recycling) Ted Turner runs by dressed as Captain Planet, then runs back and kicks man. Ted Turner: Captain Planet!

Pan-Global Corporation Corporate Man #1: Where are we gonna dump our sludge next?

Corporate Man #2: The Grand Canyon could hold a lotta sludge.

Corporate Man #1: Oh, it sure could.

Corporate Man #2: Yeah, let's sludge the hell out of the Grand Canyon.

Corporate Man #1: Yeah.... Hey, is that Ted Turner?

Corporate Man #2: I think it is! What the hell's he doing?

Corporate Man #1: I dunno, he's on one of those Zip-Lines.

Corporate Man #2: Oh yeah, is that what they're called? Zip-Lines?

Corporate Man #1: Yeah, Zip-Lines.

Corporate Man #2: Oh, I always thought...

(Ted Turner smashes through window)

Ted Turner: Captain Planet!

Corporate Man #2: You got glass in my eye!

Ted Turner: And my foot in your balls! Captain Planet! (Kicks man in balls)

Captain Planet grabs man by neck and holds him precariously out the window

Corporate Man #2: What do you want, Mr. Turner?!

Ted Turner: Just sign this pledge not to dump any more sludge and I'll let you go!

Corporate Man #2: Okay! Okay! (Signs pledge)

Ted Turner: (Looks at paperwork) This appears to be in order... (Drops man out skyscraper window) Captain Planet!!

Corporate Man #2: Ahhhhhhh! (Lands in recycling dumpster, and blood trickles out the bottom).

Fade OutEdit

Ted Turner: Protect the environment! Or I'll fucking kill you! Captain Planet!

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