Love a Lot Bear: Our Care Bear franchise is on the brink of collapse. corrupted by impure creatures that leech off our sunshine land. I'm talking, of course, about the Care Bear Cousins.


Love a Lot Bear: I may be Love a Lot Bear, but I can hate a lot too. (points to something off screen) We can no longer ignore the elephant in the room.

Lotsa Heart Elephant: (confused) Did I uh... miss something?

Love a Lot Bear: We must send them all to the Great Cloudkeeper in the sky! Bedtime Bear.

Bedtime Bear: Ya'll know what time it is? It's bedtime! And by bed, I mean ethnic, and by time, I mean cleansing.

(Shoots a rainbow at Lotsa Heart Elephant, decapitating her.)

Other Care Bears:Care A Lot! Care A Lot! Care A Lot!

Don Cheadle: Stop!

Love a Lot Bear: Wow! Famous character actor Don Cheadle!

Don Cheadle: You don't have to do this. I've built a hotel where the cousins can be safe. (Zooms over to the hotel.)

Love a Lot Bear:Yeah. We can keep the corpses in there!

(Care Bears run off past Cheadle and Wish Bear.)

Don Cheadle: No. That's not.. what I meant.. at all.

Bashful Heart Bear: I loved you in Swordfish, Mr. Cheadle. Can I have your autograph? (Pulls out a piece of paper and pencil.)

Don Cheadle: Ahhh... Okay. (Takes the paper and pencil.)

(Care Bears and Care Bear Cousins gather outside the hotel.)

Laugh a lot Bear: I'm Lots of Laughs Bear, and I've gathered you all here for a special, happy celebration! (Starts laughing insanely.)

(Focuses on Care Bear Cousins)

(Bright Heart Raccoon speaks to Lion cousin.)

Bright Heart Raccoon: If it's a special happy celebration, then why am I crapping a load in my drawers?

Brave Heart Lion: Maybe it's part of the celebration

John Corzine: Hello, I'm New Jersey's governor, John Corzine. I hope you've enjoyed this re-enactment of our state's proud history, (Picks up a rainbow) The Garden State. (Takes a bite of the rainbow) Come get in on some of this rainbow!

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