Ad blocker interference detected!
Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers
Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.
Corey Haim: [Yawns.] Good morning! What are we going to do today, Corey Feldman?
Corey Feldman: Same thing we do every day, Corey Haim. We save the world.
[Both get dressed and put on hair gel.]
Corey Feldman: Let's go start the day!
Corey Haim: Yeah!
[Both sitting on a couch flipping through channels.]
Mel E. Kazurowski (News Anchor): This just in: President Bush's daughters are missing in action after the helicopter carrying them to a USO tour event crashed in Brazilian Rainforest. The military released the following video tape just prior to the crash.
Jenna Bush: Wooohoo! It's a party! Aaa-whoo!
Barbara Bush: My dad's the president!
Pilot: Ms. Bush, please I can't see.
Barbara Bush: Suck it!
Pilot: Look out!
Corey Feldman: Two presidental daughters! That's one for each of us.
Corey Haim: Feld-dog, let's roll.
[They exit their house in a van that goes into a jet.]
Corey Haim: Coordinates are locked in.
Corey Feldman: Let's punch it.
Corey Haim: Woo!
Corey Feldman: Yeah! Let's go, go, go, go. Whoa, this is tight! This is tight!
Corey Haim: That's what it would be like if we had the Corey Van and the Corey Jet.
[They get on a bus.]
["96 Hours Later"]
Corey Haim: Listen to me! We should have Corey Rocketpacks!
Corey Feldman: Hey Corey I've got an idea for ya. How about a nice tall glass of shut the (fuck) up!
Corey Feldman: Hey barkeep, nice frosty cola right here.
Corey Haim: Two straws please.
Barkeep: We don't serve your kind here.
Corey Feldman: Our kind? You mean Americans?!
Barkeep: No I mean anyone who's ever been on the cover of a teen magazine. Like Ba, Tiger Beat, Teen Beat, Cosmo, Grrl, J-14...
Corey Haim: Hahah, boy, didn't you pick the wrong two Coreys. He-he-hey hey guys, listen we don't want any trouble and I don't think you do either so...
Guy: To the contrary. Trouble is what you now have because we are giving it to you.
Corey Feldman: Wait! Wait hahaha just wait. Now we're going to tear it up.
Corey Haim: Yeah, Lost Boys style!
[The Coreys get beaten up by the gang but one bumps into Dustin Diamond and he takes them all out.]
Corey Feldman: Wow! Thanks for helping us douche...ah...Screech.
Dustin Diamond: The location of the Bush daughters is here and now I must return to my Muay Thai kickbox training.
Corey Feldman: Why would you help us?
Dustin Diamond: Because I too am a former teen idol? [giggles.]
Corey Feldman: Ah no, actually you were more like a second, third banana on a B-rated kids show but hey whatever you say.
[The Coreys arrive at a small shack.]
Corey Haim: What the hell is this place? Is this the place? Could this be the place? I'm going in either way so...
Partier: Love shack baby!
Corey Feldman: Yo! Presidental babes!
Corey Haim: We're here to rescue ya!
Barbara: Rescue us? You can go straight to hell!
Jenna: Yeah we're finally free!! Free to partay!
Jenna: Ah-ah. We're never going home! Woohoo.
Corey Haim: Look Feld-dog, if we can't bring them home, we can't be heroes.
Corey Feldman: Well Haims, looks like we gotta rely on our one true skill.
Corey Haim: Whoa wait, you're not talking about the thing we do with our taints right? Are ya?
Corey Feldman: No, Corey. Acting!
President Bush: Even though Corey Haim and Corey Feldman couldn't be here today, I want to thank them for bringing my precious daughters home.
[Shows The Coreys dressed up as The Bush Twins. Feldman as Jenna and Haim as Barbara.]
President Bush: I hereby declare that anyone who hates the Coreys, also hates America.
Corey Haim: Hey Feld-dog, Feld-dog. What happens if they find the real Bush Twins, man?
Corey Feldman: F-fat chance!
[The Bush Twins are shown in a crate inside a warehouse, full of other crates, being pushed by a guy while the Bush Twins are yelling.]
Barbara: Let us out!
Jenna: Damn you to hell, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman!
Barbara: My dad's the president. I'm gonna get you buried in oil and then I'm going to get my dad to invade you!
Jenna: Actually I will get you hurt. Yeah how'd you like to get your ass kicked by Hali-bu-burton or Haliblurton?!
Barbara: Haha haha. Gee, Jenna. We're like old apples tied up to a bag of shit!
Jenna: You suck!
Barbara: I...ah...I gotta go to the bathroom!