NARRATOR: Coming this fall! From the creators of Monk, everyone's parents' favorite obsessive-complusive detective, comes "Cork", America's first mentally challenged crime sleuth.
INVESTIGATER: It's an issidorchy. The bank teller. We're all outta leads, Cork. What do yo make of this situation.
(Cork is seen spinning around, babbling. He almost resembles Dan Milano.)
CORK: I'm a tornado! I'm a tornado!
(he falls and cries. There is a ring on his face. The investigater picks it up, and his "Big Sister" appears)
INVESTIGATER: It's a wedding band. This young man just found our first clue!
CORK'S BIG SISTER: Good job, Cork!
CORK: No more gym class.
(The gang of Cork and Big Sister are at a petting zoo. Cork is jumping around and babbling.)
CORK'S BIG SISTER: What is it, Cork?!
CORK'S BIG SISTER: It's it a widow and her boyfriend trying to cash in on her late husband insurance policy?(Cork babbles "No") Is it a gang of old porker buddies who decided to knock over a casino for one last shot of fortune?(Cork babbles "Nah".) OH! Do you have to go number 1?(He stops babbling, she holds his hand and takes him to the bathroom) Okay, take my hand. <<In a mock bossy voice>> No more soda for you today, okay?
(There is a car driving down the street and a school bus with Cork and Big Sister in it follows it.)
CORK'S BIG SISTER: He's getting away!
(Cork points at some paper on the front of the bus and babbles)
CORK'S BIG SISTER: Do you wanna go faster, Cork?
(The bus drivers speeds it up. Both the car and bus pass some lady and knock some garbage over. Then, the bus pushes the car the car falls of a bridge and bursts into flames. Everyone cheers, but Cork puts his hands in his ears.)
CORK: Loud noises! No noises!
(Now, we're at a hospital, where the perp has a gun on Big Sister.)
CRIMINAL: You'll never take me alive, Cork! One move, and your precious, volunteer Big Sister's gonna have a bullet in her head!
(Cut to Cork, looking a self-exam poster at a female, trying to touch her boobs)
CORK'S BIG SISTER: Cork! Do something!
(Big Sister elbows the perp, the gun drops. Cut to her.)
CORK'S BIG SISTER: Cork, quick! The bad man took your Stretch Armstrong!
(Cut to him)
CORK: NNNOOOOOOO!(comes up to the burglar and punches him repeatedly) MINE! MINE! MINE!
(Burglar moans while Cork babbles and punches him. Cut to B.S)
CORK'S BIG SISTER(meekly): Cork?(Cork's still punches him) That's enough!(Cut to her) Cork, that's enough!(Blood from the purp splatters on her face. Cut to Cork punching him again as the burgluar stops moaning. Cut to her, looking really scared. Cut to them outside the emergency room with the mayor, while a hospital van for the perp passes them by.)
MAYOR: Cork, thanks to your inflapable enthusiaism and suprisingly handy capable strengths, this city owes you a great debt! As a token of our graditude, you may now pick out one toy at the toy store.
(The scene dissolves halfway to Cork's face.)
CORK: I want spaghetti .