(A man named Doug who was walking past several archery targets)
Doug: Man, my life sucks. I hate working at the stupid archery range.
(As he says the last word he is impaled through the head by a stray arrow, and collapses.)
(Doug wakes up, surrounded by a completely white background.)
Doug: Uhh... wha-where am I?
Buddha: You're in Purgatory, Doug. Spin the Wheel of Reincarnation.
Doug: Oh, boy! I hope I land on Keira Knightley's underwear!
(Doug spins the wheel.)
Buddha: (Sighs) Everyone wishes for that one.
(The wheel spins to a stop, and for a moment appears to land on 'Keira Knightley's Underwear', before settling upon 'Huggytime Bear'.)
Doug: Huggytime Bear?
(Doug disappears from Purgatory and reappears in a field as a Huggytime Bear.)
Doug: Where am I?
Doug: Holy fucking ass-crackers!
Pink Bear with Triangle On Chest: Welcome! We're the Huggytime Bears, and we shall call you...Dougalot Bear!
Doug: What the fuck is a Huggytime Bear?
Pink Bear: We spread peace and love with our special powers! (Bears start laughing)
Doug: Ah, fuck.
(Doug and the Huggytime Bears are walking.)
Shamrock Bear: Let's go spread joy to children!
Doug: Oh, man! I wish I landed on 'Keira Knightley's Underwear!"
Pink Bear: Uh, please don't mention that around the children.
(Two boys are sitting in a forest.)
Boy 1: I feel sad.
Boy 2: Yeah, but at least we're not gay.
(The boys are revealed to be sitting on one side of a campfire, with the Huggytime Bears on the other side.)
Pink Bear: Maybe we can help!
Boys: (in unison) The Huggytime Bears!
Shamrock Bear: (with his last words) Get ready for some fun and love everyon-
(Doug pushes Shamrock Bear into the campfire, where he proceeds to burn to death while shrieking in pain. The other two bears turn and glare at Doug.)
Doug: What? His name was Shamrock Bear. He was obviously Irish, and therefore drunk. Am I right, or am I right?
Pink Bear: This is unforgivable.
Pink Bear with Heart: Bring out the Gimp.
(The Gimp with a whip crashes out of the forest into the campsite.)
Doug: (restrained by the other two bears) No-noo!
(Doug is back at the archery range, lying on the ground, with the arrow stuck through his head, still screaming.)
(Keira Knightley walks into view and kneels down next to Doug.)
Keira Knightley: Oh my gosh, I've shot you.
Doug: Keira Knightley?
Keira Knightley: Shh, don't worry about a thing. The paramedics will be here soon.
Doug: (chuckles) I was almost your underwear, you know.