(Cut to Seven Spielberg on a director's chair. He is sitting next to a poster of Jaws.)
Steven Spielberg: Jaws was a masterpiece of suspense and terror based on how little you saw the shark itself, but that's not the way I wanted it.
(Cut to a woman swimming in the water. Jaws jumps up, does a flip, and eats her whole.)
Spielberg: The damn mechanical shark didn't work. As a result I had to release a movie that was only a quarter done. Now, thanks to computer graphics, I can bring my true vision to life.
(Cut to Quint sitting in front of a black board. Jaws is wearing a wig and glasses in the audience)
Quint: $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
Jaws: I say we let him go.
(Cut to the beach. People are panicking and running from Jaws, who has a chainsaw)
Man: Get out of the water!
Spielberg: Jaws: The Special Edition features over 100 altered scenes.
(Cut to Chief Brody and Hooper on the Orca)
Hooper: There he is, Chief! Throw it! Throw it!
(Jaws catches the harpoon and throws it back at them, and hits Chief in the leg.)
Spielberg: YOu actually get a feel for the shark's personality.
Jaws: You missed me, you dried-up douchebags!
CHIEF BRODY: Ow, my tibia!
(Cut to Jaws eating both Quint and Hooper at the same time.)
QUINT: Ah, you bastard! Ah, you bastard!
(Cut to Chief with the rifle)
Spielberg: Trust me, this is a whole new set of Jaws.
Chief Brody: Smile, you son of a bitch.
(Brody fires at Jaws, and Jaws explodes like the Death Star in Star Wars.)
Text: Jaws: The Very, Very Extra Special, Special Edition ORDER NOW! No refunds.
Announcer: Order now! (whispers) No refunds.
(Cut to static)