[Ernest opens the windows to the Keebler Treehouse and sniffs the air]
Ernest: Aah, a wonderful day to make cookies. Cookies with the finest ingredients, the smoothest chocolate, and...
[Ernest suddenly sniffs the air again, sensing danger]
Ernest: Oh, that I live to see this day.
[He pulls out a horn and blows it. The elves stop working and equip themselves with medieval-style weapons and armor.]
Keebler Soldier: [nervously] Are you sure Ernest?
Ernest: Yes. Listen to the voice upon the wind, you will know it to be true.
Cookie Monster (offscreen): Cooookiiiiie...
[The soldiers gasp]
Cookie Monster: Cooookiiiiie...
[The soldiers gasp again. Cookie Monster jumps out from behind a large rock]
Cookie Monster: COOKIE!!!
[The soldiers hold their attack. Cookie Monster eats several soldiers as he wallows towards the treehouse.]
[The soldiers still hold their attack. Cookie Monster continues to eat several more soldiers as he heads to the treehouse.]
[Ernest runs off, and bumps into a chef elf]
Ernest: I owed him overtime.
Chef Elf 1: Bu-bu-but you owe me overtime...which is no big deal!
[Cookie Monster chases them both]
Cookie Monster: Coooooookiiiiiiiiiie!!!!
[Ernest and the elves run inside the treehouse for safety. Cookie Monster attempts to break down the door]
Cookie Monster: Cookie! Cookie! Coookiiiie!!!
Keebler Elf 1: I didn't sign up for this. I just wanted to make cookies!
Keebler Elf 2: I'm making cookies in my pants right now - they're shaped like poo!
[Cookie Monster's arm crashes through the door]
Cookie Monster: COOKIE!!!!
[He grabs Elf 2 and smacks him on the floor, A second chef elf slides down the treehouse's staircase banister, armed with a bow, which he uses to fire arrows that impale Cookie Monster's hand, which is then stabbed with a sword by the chef elf. Cookie Monster screams in pain, the chef elf then throws a grappling hook, which lodges in Cookie Monster's upper jaw. The chef elf pulls the rope tied to the grappling hook, along with a third elf, and pins him down]
Chef Elf 2: Now, give the monster what he wants!
Keebler Elf 3: Diabetes?
Chef Elf 2: Good comment on modern culture, but no. Cookies!
[The elves make cookies and throw them out the treehouse window at a rapid pace. Being the cookie addict he is, Cookie Monster gobbles up each one. Cut to a third chef elf and Buckets, a black elf, who are attempting to make and throw more cookies]
Chef Elf 3: Faster, Buckets! Pack that fudge! Pack that fudge, idiots!
Chef Elf 3: Save your immaturity for when we're not about to be killed, you idiot!
[Buckets pours fudge onto the cookies]
Chef Elf 3: [chuckles] Fudge!
Cookie Monster: [Through his cookie-filled mouth] Cookie Monster...can't stop...can't stop eating cookies...[Wheezes]
[Cookie Monster's stomach bursts open and he dies; the elves cheer.]
[We cut to a courtroom, where Cookie Monster's mother is sobbing at the witness' stand.]
Cookie Monster's mother: [crying] They know he had cookie addiction! It like they feed heroin to junkie!
Ernest's Lawyer: It was a home invasion! They acted in self defense!
Judge Brown: Order, please! Order! The court finds in favor of Keebler, Incorporated! [bangs gavel] I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Cookie Monster's mother: Me son is dead and you make pun!? Me kill you! Me f**king kill you!
[Cookie Monster's mother savagely takes a large bite out of Judge Brown's head, killing him. Some police officers respond to the extreme violence by shooting her to death with color violence.]
[episode ends, as well as segment.]