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At NASA HQ, a man delivers mail to the director.

- "Daily mail, Administrator Griffin." (Hands him an envelope)

- "Excellent! Next year's funding's come though!" (Opens it to get a mere $1 bill)

- (Assistant) "One dollar? What do we do with one dollar?"

- "We're going back to basics, that's what!"

They initiate the countdown as a montage shows various attempts to launch chimps into space, including:

  • a giant slingshot launches a chimp upward, but it then starts to fall back down
  • a chimp wears a dynamite jet pack; when lit, the chimp explodes into bloody bits
  • a strongman with a hammer hits a high striker that has a chimp in place of the puck; the chimp's head is crushed when it hits the bell
  • a giant helium balloon that takes a chimp to a high altitude, until a plane engine shreds it, leaving its arm and the balloon intact
  • a hammer throw athlete tosses a chimp into a pond, where it's eaten by crocodiles
  • a gorilla jumping from great height onto a seesaw with a chimp on the other side, propelling him into a rocket that launches into space, only to explode in the midst of other floating monkeys and the helium balloon from earlier (with the arm still attached)

A song plays throughout the montage:

Monkeys in outer space, protecting the freedom of the human race!

Four fingers on his hand, spreading freedom across the land!

Protecting the United States, we owe our freedom to these primates!

Many died along the way – in fact, they all did, but that's okay!

Monkeys in outer space, protecting the freedom of the human race!

Monkeys in outer space, they're easier than humans to replace!

A human life is a terrible waste,

That's why we shot monkeys into space!

We used all the monkeys that we could find,

Fifty dead monkeys, a huge step for mankind!

Monkeys in outer space, protecting the freedom of the human race!

Monkeys in outer space!

Credits Roll: We will never forget: Bobo, Slim Willy, Felix the Chimp, Li'l Dolly, Peanuckle, Dr. Reginald Wexley, Tulip, Cracker Jack, Unknown monkey - the one that threw crap at us, Jimi, Bernard, Stoopid Monkey, Big Bob and Dweezy the Talking Monkey.

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