(at a bank)
Nicole Richie: This is a robbery! Fill this bag with inconsequential bills!
Teller: Wow, I'm getting robbed by Nicole Rich...
Nicole: Shhh-shut up! I wanna go to prison to save my friend, Paris!
Teller: For a robbery? They might just fine you for that.
Nicole: Good point. (shoots the teller in the head)
Guard: Stupid celebrity, armed robbery and murder; you'll be locked up for 45 days.
(puts her in cell)
Nicole: Am I locked up? Perhaps it is you who is locked up and I am truly...
Guard: Shut up, you bitch! Get out of my head! Ahh, she's in my brain, and it burns like...
Paris Hilton: Nicole, is that you?
Nicole: Paris! I couldn't let my best bud/meal ticket rot in jail, now could I? Wink!
Paris: But now, we're both locked up!
Nicole: Don't worry! I have an escape plan tattooed on me!
(F**k a guard, and then escape)
Paris: I recognize those symbols!
Nicole: They're words, Paris!
(in a shaking shack outside, Paris, Nicole and a guard are having violent sex with various, overlapping suggestive phrases, such as...)
Nicole: Yes! Oh, yes! Give it to me, guard!
Guard: F*** me up! Oh, f*** me up!
Nicole: You're the right guard!
Paris: That's hot! That's hot! That's hot!
Nicole: Unlock my cell! My vagina cell!
(outside the shack)
Guard: Whoo! That was great, ladies, but now you gotta go right back into your ce...
(the guard suddenly chokes in pain, falls to the floor, melts his skin off, foams at the mouth, and dies)
Nicole: Hey, I forgot to use the poison!
Paris: Oh, why does that keep happening to all my boyfriends?
Nicole: You should really see a gynecologist.
(Lionel Richie's house)
TV announcer: We now cancel "Cavemen" to bring you breaking news from Lynwood Prison. Noted celebutards Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have escaped. Viewers will recall that Nicole Richie is the daughter of famous musician, Lionel Richie.
TV announcer: Everything on and off from anywhere in the
(Lionel takes a gun and blows his own brains out)
(Paris and Nicole are running through a large water pipe and stops before a waterfall)
Policeman: Nicole, it is over! You got nowhere left to run!
Nicole: The joke's on you! I weigh 62 pounds! I can glide through the air like a spider-monkey!
Paris: (jumps on Nicole's back) Up, up and away, Falkor!
(They jump. At first they cheer, then they plummet to the water below.)
Nicole: (screaming) This is so hot!
(The bodies of Paris & Nicole were never recovered.)
(they're lying on a beach with bikinis)
Nicole: (looks at her glass) Mmm, I could really go for another one of those, hm. Where is our Cabana boy?
(the Cabana boy ended up dead, like the guard)
Paris: Oops, I did it again...with my vagina!
Nicole: Laughing makes me hungry!