(The title screen says "Screw Youssical the Musical.)
Narrator: It started to rain at a quarter to two when the children both cried...
Brother & Sister (together): We’ve got nothing to do!
(Cut to the children playing with said items.)
Narrator: They played their kerplunkas and spun their spindaddies. Why, they even found Mother’s vibrate-a-ratties.
(Cut back to children at table.)
Narrator: When suddenly there came a knock at the door. The boy nudged his sister...
Brother: Go get it, you whore!
(Sister gets up to answer door.)
Narrator: She rose from her seat and walked towards the noise...
Sister: Who could it be?
Narrator: She hoped it was boys.
(Sister pushes up her breasts.)
Narrator: But what entered the house through the fog, oh so thick, was a Cat in a Hat with an e-normous dick.
(Cat with a pimp-like hat and coat enters. The Cat's penis is very long and blurred.)
Narrator: He sang a short song and played a few toots...
(Cat sings and plays a bugle. None of it is heard on screen. He turns and sees the children's white house cat.)
Narrator: ...when all of a sudden, he noticed poor Boots.
(Cat pounces on Boots trying to have sex with her in a cloud of dust. Cut back to children.)
Narrator: The boy searched around for a pen and a pad...
Brother: This guy's a pro, much better than Dad.
Narrator: But before the two children could learn a new trade, the Cat pushed them outside...
(Cat gets up and pushes the children out the door.)
Cat: I’m trying to get laid!
(Cut to outside the front door where the children are)
Narrator: So with nowhere to go but over the hill...
(Cut to the children walking over a small hill and towards a sign saying "Whoreville: Population Contagious!)
Narrator: ...the children set off for the town of Whoreville.
(Cut to the children walking down a street with a man, fat prostitute, and dead man.)
Narrator: They passed a few vagrants, a hooker, a corpse.
(Cut to a close up of the children.)
Narrator: Trying their best not to vomit, of course.
(Sister vomits. Cut to the children walking down another street with a man pulling down his pants and squatting over a trash can.)
Narrator: Though it got pretty hard as they passed by a can where a man tried to shit out some Blue Eggs and Spam.
(Cut to a close up of the children. Sister vomits again. Cut to the children walking outside of a whore house.)
Narrator: Finally they arrived at their mom’s place of work as a jolly old man walked out with a smirk.
(Itchy McGray walks down the steps outside of the whore house. Cut to a close up of Itchy McGray.)
Narrator: It was Itchy McGray, who was there everyday. And though his doctors sure pleaded, he could not stay away.
(He scratches himself all over.)
Narrator: He had caught whore diseases, he had picked at whore scabs. Why, he even picked up a case of whore crabs.
(Itchy McGray picks up a case with crabs wearing makeup.)
Narrator: But all of a sudden, he started to run. 'Cause the children's drunk father showed up with a gun!
(The father comes in, holding a shotgun in one hand and a bottle in the other.)
Narrator: He was mean, he was mad, he was seven feet tall, but the bulge in his pants was two sizes too small.
(An x-ray shows a silhouette of the father's waist. He shoots the glass, and goes on a shooting spree.)
Narrator: Which may have explained why he went on a spree of shooting the whores as they started to flee.
Father: One bitch, two bitch, old bitch, new bitch!
Narrator: He said with a laugh as their bodies did twitch. He stared at his wife as he squeezed on his Glock.
Father: I know it’s your job, but why’d you hop on my pop?
Mother: We needed the cash!
Narrator: She said through her tears...
Mother: And besides, you haven’t touched me in years. But I’ve got just the thing!
Narrator: She knew just what to do...
Mother: Let’s go home right now and make three kids, not two!
Narrator: And so the kids' father got his own way. And the bulge in his pants grew three sizes that day.
(The kids' father gives a group hug. His penis grows, breaking the x-ray.)
Narrator: And the low-income family began life anew. At least ‘till next month when the rent would come due.