(Note: Narrator is in underline. Girls are in bold. Boys are in italic.)
- It started to rain at a quarter to two
- When the children both cried, "We've got nothing to do!"
- They played their ker-plunkers and spun their spin-daddies,
- Why, they even found mother's vibrate-a-ratties.
- When suddenly, there came a knock at the door.
- The boy nudged his sister: "Go get it, you whore!"
- She rose from her seat and walked towards the noise.
- "Who could it be?" She hoped it was boys.
- But what entered the house through the fog oh so thick
- Was a Cat in a Hat with an enormous dick.
- He sang a short song and played a few toots,
- When all of a sudden, he noticed poor Boots.
- The boy searched around for a pen and a pad.
- "This guy's a pro, much better than dad."
- But before the two children could learn a new trade,
- The Cat pushed them outside, "I'm trying to get laid!"
- So with nowhere to go but over the hill,
- The children set off to the town of Whoreville.
- They passed a few vagrants, a hooker, a corpse,
- Trying their best not to vomit, of course.
- Though it got pretty hard as they passed by a can,
- Where a man tried to shit out some Blue Eggs and Spam.
- Finally, they arrived at their mom's place of work,
- As a jolly old man walked out with a smirk.
- It was Itchy McGray, who was there every day,
- And though his doctors sure pleaded, he could not stay away.
- He had caught whore diseases, he has picked at whore scabs,
- Why, he even picked up a case of "whore crabs."
- But, all of a sudden, he started to run,
- Because the children's drunk father showed up with a gun!
- He was mean, he was mad, he was seven feet tall,
- But the bulge in his pants was two sizes too small.
- Which may have explained why he went on a spree,
- Of shooting the whores as they started to flee.
- "One bitch, two bitch, old bitch, new bitch!"
- He said with a laugh as their bodies did twitch.
- He stared at his wife as he squeezed on his GLOCK.
- "I know it's your job, but why'd you Hop on my Pop?"
- "We needed the cash," she said through her tears,
- "And besides, you haven't touched me in years.
- But I've got just the thing!" She knew just what to do.
- "Let's go home right now and make three kids, not two."
- And so, the kids' father got his own way,
- And the bulge in his pants grew three sizes that day.
- And the low-income family began life anew...
- ...at least 'til next month, when the rent would come due.
(sketch ends.)