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(Note: Narrator is in underline. Girls are in bold. Boys are in italic.)

  • It started to rain at a quarter to two
  • When the children both cried, "We've got nothing to do!"
  • They played their ker-plunkers and spun their spin-daddies,
  • Why, they even found mother's vibrate-a-ratties.
  • When suddenly, there came a knock at the door.
  • The boy nudged his sister: "Go get it, you whore!"
  • She rose from her seat and walked towards the noise.
  • "Who could it be?" She hoped it was boys.
  • But what entered the house through the fog oh so thick
  • Was a Cat in a Hat with an enormous dick.
  • He sang a short song and played a few toots,
  • When all of a sudden, he noticed poor Boots.
  • The boy searched around for a pen and a pad.
  • "This guy's a pro, much better than dad."
  • But before the two children could learn a new trade,
  • The Cat pushed them outside, "I'm trying to get laid!"
  • So with nowhere to go but over the hill,
  • The children set off to the town of Whoreville.
  • They passed a few vagrants, a hooker, a corpse,
  • Trying their best not to vomit, of course.
  • Though it got pretty hard as they passed by a can,
  • Where a man tried to shit out some Blue Eggs and Spam.
  • Finally, they arrived at their mom's place of work,
  • As a jolly old man walked out with a smirk.
  • It was Itchy McGray, who was there every day,
  • And though his doctors sure pleaded, he could not stay away.
  • He had caught whore diseases, he has picked at whore scabs,
  • Why, he even picked up a case of "whore crabs."
  • But, all of a sudden, he started to run,
  • Because the children's drunk father showed up with a gun!
  • He was mean, he was mad, he was seven feet tall,
  • But the bulge in his pants was two sizes too small.
  • Which may have explained why he went on a spree,
  • Of shooting the whores as they started to flee.
  • "One bitch, two bitch, old bitch, new bitch!"
  • He said with a laugh as their bodies did twitch.
  • He stared at his wife as he squeezed on his GLOCK.
  • "I know it's your job, but why'd you Hop on my Pop?"
  • "We needed the cash," she said through her tears,
  • "And besides, you haven't touched me in years.
  • But I've got just the thing!" She knew just what to do.
  • "Let's go home right now and make three kids, not two."
  • And so, the kids' father got his own way,
  • And the bulge in his pants grew three sizes that day.
  • And the low-income family began life anew...
  • ...at least 'til next month, when the rent would come due.

(sketch ends.)

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