[a guy dressed up in a Stormtrooper outfit takes out a lunch box and thermos bottle]
Wife: Gary, where is Jessica? Isn't today "Take Your Daughter to Work Day"?
Gary: [sighs] No one actually does that.
Wife: Gary, you promised. [walks away; the camera slowly zooms in on the motionless Gary]
[at a Rebel Alliance ship; a group of Stormtroopers blast down a door and begin a blaster-fight with some guards]
Gary: Keep your head down, Jessica!
Jessica: Okay, daddy! [Gary takes his daughter's hand and runs to cover; Jessica squeals and accidentally drops her teddy bear into the line of fire] Mr. Fuzzybottom!
Gary: [stops Jessica from running into the line of fire, then puts his head down in frustration and sighs calmly; carefully walks into the line of fire to get Mr. Fuzzybottom back, dodging an array of red-toned lasers getting fired in his direction; groans] AHHH! [makes his way back to Jessica on his hands and knees, panting heavily] Here you go, baby.
Darth Vader: Who is this little girl?
Gary: Oh! Vader! Uh... it's "Take Your Daughter to Work Day", and I know, uh... you know, I'm sorry for bringing her, but my wife says I never see her, and... and let's be honest, she's right! Okay? She's right! [silence] ...Do you have kids? 'Cause, I mean, heh, they change your world. ...Oh, I'm probably gonna get fired for this... but [stands proud] Fuck it. [takes his daughter's hand and says sternly] I love my daughter.
Darth Vader: [silence; leans in and thumps his chest with his fist] That really hits me where I live. [grabs a rebel guard by the neck and lifts him up] What have you done with those plans?! Gary here, never sees his daughter because of people like you! [brief pause; bone snaps; realizes what he's done and covers his mouth innocently] I'm so sorry you had to see that. [drops the body; leans in] Are you having fun, being at work with your father?
Jessica: Mmm... [hides head behind Gary]
Darth Vader: [chuckles; wiggles around a little] I know, I'm scary.
[scene change to Tatooine]
Ben Kenobi: [controlling Gary with Jedi mind trick] These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Gary: These aren't the droids we're looking for.
Jessica: Yes, they are!
Ben Kenobi: Move along.
Gary: Move along. [Ben Kenobi rides away]
Jessica: Daddy, you're not even trying!
Gary: Baby, it's 165º degrees on this planet! I can't hear in this thing! [referring to his helmet] I was just repeating what I thought the guy was sayin'! It's not like it's my own motherfucking thought on the matter, okay?! [Jessica runs away, sobbing] Hon! Aww-- baby! [runs after]
Stormtrooper: See? That's why I don't take my daughter to jack shit!

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