Papa Smurf: (Taking a dump, sigh) Gotta cut back on the smurfberries. All that fiber turns my intestines into a smurfin' log flume. (farts) Wonder who the page 3 girl is... gee, Smurfette, shocker... (Flushes toilet, the toilet starts overflowing) Uh oh. Oh no, go down, go down. Oh no! Oh no! Oh! Oh, smurf me up the smurf!!!

(Cuts to a scene with Papa and Handy. Handy's covered in mud and feces)

Handy: The village septic tank is smurfed to hell!

Papa Smurf: Well Handy, we're a communist society, so hurry up and fix it for free.

Handy: You don't understand! The tank ruptured! The sewage has smurfed into the water table!

(Meanwhile, in the lake)

Allstar: Ugh, Uncle Gaileo, I feel sick! Everything tastes like rotten smurfberries!

Gaileo: Our water has been contaminated, Allstar!

Allstar: So, how does a test tube work underwater exactly?

Gaileo: It doesn't take a scientist to figure out those JERK ASS SMURFS are dumping CRAP in our lake again!

(Cuts to a scene with three smurfs, they see something in the sky)

Smurf 1: Are those flying fish!?

Grouchy: I hate flying fish!

Smurf 1: Are those flying fish stuffed with Dynamite!?

Grouchy: I hate flying fish stuffed with dy- (Three fish collide with the three smurfs, they explode, killing all three smurfs)

(More fish fall from the sky, suicide bombing the Smurf Village straight to hell)

Allstar: I-I really have an ethical problem with this...

Gaileo: What? They're volunteering. (to the fish while lighting its fuse) Just remember; seventy-two fish virgins await you in Fish Heaven!

(back on the battlefield)

Papa Smurf: To me my smurfs! It's war! war!!! (There's a huge explosion in the background. A smurf in some kind of shock toddles toward Papa. He can't hear a thing Papa is saying)

Deaf: I can't hear! I CAN'T HEAR!

Papa: You couldn't hear before! Your name is "Deaf Smurf" for God's sake!


(Just then, the snork army marches on to the battlefield from the water. Cut to a scene with Vanity and some other smurf. One half of Vanity's face is darker blue.)

Vanity: See? Like Braveheart. (Other smurf smacks him across the face, knocking him out, annoyed by Vanity's idiocy)

(Cuts to a scene with a snork opening up one of Jokey Smurf's exploding gift boxes)

Snork: (Gasps) A present! (The box blows up in his face, killing him in the process)

Allstar: EVERYONE! STOP PICKING UP THE PRESENTS!!! (Time slows down as another snork falls victim to Jokey Smurf's present bombs) NOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Nearly all the snorks were soundly blown up by the present bombs. Cut to a scene with Brainy Smurf and a bunch of other smurfs)

Brainy: Everyone listen to me, we're gonna outflank them with a pinster maneuver. Then, we'll encircle them with a blitzkrieg.

Smurf 2: Oh, you don't know what your smurfin' about, Brainy!

Brainy: Papa Smurf put me in charge. And Papa Smurf is always right because Papa Smurf... (Sees that the smurfs are gone and he's surrounded by snorks. Two seconds later, Brainy is nothing but a head and whatever remained of his body)

Brainy: (Amazed) Hey it's true! The brain does stay alive after desmurfitation! (dies)

(Back on the battlefield, the smurf's defenses are picking off the snorks, one by one. A red snork gulps down a tank of gasoline and becomes a walking flamethrower, killing the smurfs.)

Daffney: (runs into the battlefield) Stop it you stupid boys! This isn't accomplishing anything!

(One of the smurfs stop dead in his tracks)

Smurf 3: Are you a- are you a- a female!?

Daffney: Well, sure I am, why?

(Two more smurfs appear on screen with perverted smiles)

Smurf 4: We thought there was only one girl in the whole world! (Directs attention towards Smurfette) This tired, old, worn out whore over here!

Smurfette: HEY!

(Cuts to a scene where Governor Wetworth and Papa Smurf are signing a peace treaty)

Papa: So it's agreed, we'll stop smurfing our turds in your lake.

(Snorks all cheer)

Governor: And in return, we shall give you photos of our women.

(Smurfs all cheer and then a moments silence)

Papa: masturbate to?

Governor: Yes, to masturbate to. (Governor and Papa shake hands, the smurfs and snorks all cheer, but the smurfs are a little more overexcited than the snorks. Cut to a scene where Daffney is being paparazzied by the smurfs)

Daffney: Unbelievable, rotten scumbag men. (Grunt)


(A scene where a fish is talking to Satan in hell)


(fish does just that)

Stinger: END