(Cut to the A-Team in front of their van. They are speaking to an unattractive woman.)
UNATTRACTIVE WOMAN: My father has been kidnapped because he refuses to pay protection money to a bunch of thugs!
FACEMAN: Sorry, lady. We're gonna pass on this one.
UNATTRACTIVE: But--but-- (sobbing)
HANNIBAL: All right. Who's our next appointment?
(An attractive woman walks up to them.)
ATTRACTIVE WOMAN: My father has been kidnapped because he refuses to pay protection money to a bunch of thugs.
HANNIBAL: Lady, you just hired the A-Team.
(Cut to the A-Team's helicopter)
B.A. BARACUS: I ain't flying, Hannibal. No way, no how.
HANNIBAL: That sounds perfectly reasonable, B.A. Now calm down and have some nice milk.
(B.A. drinks the milk)
B.A.: Mmm. Milk. Good for the bones. Good for the kids. I pity the fool who ain't got no calcium in his diet.
(Murdock slams a TV on B.A.'s head)
FACEMAN: Murdock, we drugged the milk!
(Cut to the inside of the helicopter)
MURDOCK: You know, years of drugged milk can have unfortunate side effects.
HANNIBAL: Oh, yeah? Like what, Murdock?
MURDOCK: Severe lactose intolerance.
B.A.: (farting) I don't like cheese.
FACEMAN: Can you roll down the windows in a helicopter?
HANNIBAL: This is going to be a long trip.
B.A. (mumbling) I want my rubber ducky.
(Cut to the outside of the thugs' office. The A-Team are in their van.)
HANNIBAL: OK, Face, infiltrate the office and steal their files.
FACEMAN: Easy as pie.
(Cut to the inside of the office building)
FACEMAN: Greetings. Is this where the thugs and/or criminals hang out? Because I, too am a thug and/or criminal.
THUG: Holy crap! It's Faceman from the A-Team!
THUG 2: Get him!
FACEMAN: Hannibal, they're onto us!
(The thugs fire at the van with machine guns.)
HANNIBAL: Easy, boys. We surrender.
(The thugs throw them into a room.)
THUG: We're gonna come back and deal with you heroes later.
HANNIBAL: All right. Let's assess the situation.
B.A.: I found a lawnmower.
FACEMAN: I found some thimbles.
MURDOCH: I found Jesus!
(Murdoch is dressed like the Pope.)
HANNIBAL: Let's show these punks what it means to mess with the A-Team.
(There is a montage of the A-Team working on something)
HANNIBAL: OK, gang. Let's get froggy on these tadpoles.
(They come bursting out of the compound in a heavily armored A-Team van. Murdoch comes out and shoots wildly with a machine gun. Hannibal launches a cannon at one of the thugs' cars. The other thugs shoot at them with machine guns as they fly up into the air, but the A-Team fire back with their cannon. Murdoch picks up a thug.)
HANNIBAL: Now are you going to leave that old man and his daughter alone?
THUG: Yes! For God's sake, yes!
HANNIBAL: That's all I needed to hear. B.A., do the honors.
B.A.: I'm gonna fly you out on Knuckle Airlines. Fist class.
THUG: My azaleas!
(The thug lands in a bed of flowers)
ATTRACTIVE WOMAN: A-Team, you did it. You saved our family business.
HANNIBAL: It was our pleasure. OH, and by the way, that'll be $50,000.
OLD MAN: $50,000? Our whole business is only worth 10,000! We're ruined! Ruined!
HANNIBAL: I love it when a plan comes together. You guys are great.
MURDOCK: Look at that douchebag! He's just as good-looking as me!
(Cut to credits)