(We start with a picture of Superman with his name stamped in front of him in big bold letters.)
Superman: This is the true story...
(We cut to him shirtless, standing in front of a mirror, and lifting weights, and then to a picture of Aquaman with his name also stamped next to him.)
Aquaman: Of seven strangers...
(We cut to him feeding fish in an aquarium, and then to a picture of the Hulk with his name, too, stamped in front of him.)
Hulk: Picked to live in house...
(We cut to him poking roadkill on the side of a street, and then to a picture of Wonder Woman with her name stamped the same way next to her.)
Wonder Woman: And have their lives taped...
(We cut to her kicking a washing machine door shut, and then to picture of the Falcon with his name stamped under him.)
Falcon: To find out what happens when people stop being polite...
(We cut to him dancing in a nightclub, and then to a picture of Batman with his name also stamped under him.)
Batman: And start getting real.
(We cut to him drinking in a bar, and then to a picture of Catwoman with her name stamped in front of her, too.)
Catwoman: The Real World....
(We cut to her sitting on a couch with Thor and another superhero, and another screen shows up with the text "THE REAL WORLD: METROPOLIS" in front of an apartment.)
(We cut to inside the apartment as Wonder Woman sits down in a chair.)
Wonder Woman: [groans in frustration] People in this hell hole just don't respect personal property.
(We cut, once again, to her and Catwoman [holding a pair of Hello Kitty Panties] standing up while the rest of the cast sit down.)
Catwoman: Listen, I know someone's been in my underwear drawer.
Wonder Woman: [confused] All right, which one of you perverts was it- because it's sick?
Falcon: You chicks are seriously paranoid.
Catwoman: I fold them in a very particular way, Falcon- in little squares. [folds the panties into a square]
Wonder Woman: [pointing to the Hulk] It was probably you!
Hulk: [yells] It not Hulk! Hulk swear!
Superman: Of course it was the Hulk.
(The Hulk only screams at this comment, and then we cut to Superman on the chair that Wonder Woman was on before.)
Superman: It was me. [shows us his behind to reveal the same panties Catwoman was holding] Hello, Kitty!
(He meows, and the next scene shows him in the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of milk and drinking it, while Aquaman talks to him.)
Aquaman: [makes himself a sandwich as he talks] Listen, uh... yeah, but- I-I don't mean to be nit-picky or anything, but, um... the living room hasn't been vacuumed in weeks, and, um...
Superman: Hey, water man, I was busy. You know, realigning the planet... or something.
Aquaman: Yeah, but-but you drew vacuuming out of the job jar, and everyone else--
Superman: Face it- who's gonna save Earth from a giant meteor while Superman's vacuuming, you? [taps Aquaman's chest with the back of his hand as he says this, and then laughs] I don't think so. [takes Aquaman's sandwich and leaves]
Aquaman: Well, I could. [sees that his sandwich has been taken] Hey!
(The next scene shows an upset Aquaman on the same interview chair.)
Aquaman: Nobody seems to understand how useful I am, you know? I-I-I'm really capable. I-I can do lots of stuff, you know? Lots! I- I can do- I can do stuff, like, um--like, uh, like, I can- You know, I...
(Frustrated, Aquaman starts to cry, and then we cut to Batman and Wonder Woman sitting on the couch and watching TV. Catwoman instantly walks in, but Batman blocks the extra seat on the couch, making Catwoman walk away in disgust. The two people on the couch laugh afterwards, and then we cut to Catwoman on the chair.)
Catwoman: [sulking] They still haven't forgiven me for that stupid party.
(The next scene shows her dancing topless on a table, swinging her shirt around.)
Catwoman: [cheering] Come on, baby, who wants to pet this p***y?!
(She lets out a big belch and falls from the table, and we cut back to her on the chair.)
Catwoman: I mean, what is this place, some kind of nun factory? I just...
(She belches once more and giggles, and the next scene shows the Hulk banging on the bathroom door.)
Hulk: Got to go! Got to go! [yells and breaks through the door]
Aquaman: [off-screen] Wait, uh... occupied- occupied! Hey!
(The Hulk pushes Aquaman [who has his pants down and is covering his private parts with a newspaper] out of the bathroom and closes the door to use it. We then cut to the rest of the cast sitting on the couch, watching Press Your Luck, and staring at him, and then back to him.)
Aquaman: [embarrassed] Oh, what's up?
(The next scene shows Batman and Robin playing checkers.)
Batman: [moving a piece] Justice never sleeps.
Robin: Oh, man, I wanna be red! [the Falcon comes in] I hate black. [record scratch]
Falcon: Oh, it's like that?!
(We cut to the Falcon on the chair.)
Falcon: So I'm the token black superhero, huh? Well, they might have wanted Tim Meadows, but they've got the Falcon, and you'd damn well better respect the Falcon! [quietly] Of course, I don't really have any superpowers. Man, my costume sucks!
(The next scene shows Aquaman feeding fish in an aquarium again.)
Aquaman: Come and get it, little guys. [the fish don't eat the food] Hello? [confused and frustrated] I know you can hear me. I'm Aquaman!
Superman: Trouble at home?
(Aquaman shakes the tank in fury.)
Aquaman: Answer me, you little bitches!
(The next scene shows Batman sitting in his room with four of the other cast members standing around him.)
Wonder Woman: If you leave your towels on the bathroom floor, we'll start getting that mildew smell.
Catwoman: It's gross!
Wonder Woman: Have a little common courtesy for the rest of us.
Batman: [points to window] The bat signal. [runs off]
Aquaman: Wow, I wonder where he's always going in such a hurry.
(We cut to Batman drinking at the same bar [as he finishes, the waitress gives him another drink], and then to Hulk standing on a stool, with his pants down, and urinating on some plates in the sink.)
Wonder Woman: [shocked] My good plates!
Hulk: Dishes done.
(Wonder Woman only growls at him, and then we cut to him on the interview chair.)
Hulk: [in a British accent] Despite my best efforts, fitting in here continues to be quite a chore. It confounds me.
(We cut back to the kitchen, where Wonder Woman is explaining what the Hulk did to Batman.)
Wonder Woman: [angry] On my plates- my good china plates!
Batman: Relax, Wondergirl.
Wonder Woman: [shocked] What did you just call me?
Batman: [after a few seconds] Uh, I am the night!
(He rushes off-screen, and after a few more seconds, the Hulk whistles as if nothing had happened. We then cut to Wonder Woman on the chair again.)
Wonder Woman: F***ing Wondergirl? [scoffs] Wondergirl! Let me tell you something about Batman, OK? He's the same as the rest of these guys around here. They're afraid of women, and afraid of the almighty uterus! Almighty uterus!
(We cut back to the outside of the apartment as car horns blare in the background.)
Hulk: Next time on Real World...
(The next shows Wonder Woman and Catwoman [who holds a teddy bear] in Catwoman's room.)
Wonder Woman: I don't see why you're so upset. [comforting her] What do you need men for anyway, huh? How about a smile? [Catwoman cheers up] There you go.
(We cut to Aquaman [who waves his arms] with a bomb strapped to his chest and Superman reading a newspaper.)
Aquaman: I'll do it; I'll do it, man! I'll totally do it!
Superman: No, you won't.
(Aquaman hangs his head in defeat, and then we cut to Batman opening a closet. Inside, Robin is dressed like a cowboy with wires from a battery on his nipples. Gleek is standing next to him. When the two see Batman looking at them, they gasp, speak gibberish, and laugh nervously. The final scene shows the entire cast playing poker around a table.)
Hulk: [putting two cards down] Yahtzee!
Wonder Woman: [outraged, bangs table] That's it!
(She jumps up and wrestles with the Hulk, Batman punches Catwoman and kicks her [and her chair] chair over, and Superman, using his laser vision, melts Aquaman's face off, only leaving his skull. Afterwards, we cut to static.)