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CAPTION: PABLO RODRIGUEZ - TEST PILOT

{Film footage of a Mexican man riding a donkey. The donkey runs into a cactus, and the rider falls off.}

NARRATOR: Pablo Rodriguez, test pilot. A Mexican, barely alive.

{Two surgeons wheel the Mexican into an operating theatre. Computer readout text fills the screen.}

DYSTOLIC   =   -257
HYPERBOLIC  =  +319
BUCOLIC = +20
S3XY.M.F. = J3N ST1LLW3LL
GOLD STANDARD = SHANNON GOLD
P.W. = GARRET ELKINS
ELECTRIC BUGALOO = SHAUN P.
IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU ARE TOO CLOSE =
CRAPPY BUMPER STICKER
ROBOT CHICKEN HEARTS YOU FOR PAYING ATTENTION
TO DETAILS

NARRATOR: Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology.

{The surgeons begin their work on the unconscious Mexican. They examine some x-rays. More computer readout text.}

ACIDS = -257
BASES = +319
THE PUPPET DEPT. IS
THE LAND OF CUTE GIRLS
MATT HAS COOL TOYS
FASOLO IS THE MAN OF THE PEOPLE
BUT TOM ROOT IS MY HERO
CLASSIFIED

NARRATOR: We have the capability to build the world's first bionic Mexican.

{A large machine is placed over the Mexican. One of the surgeons holds up a bionic eyeball. An x-ray of his skull is shown, with more computer readout text.}

BUENO: ANISSA FORSEY
BP 160/90
HR 97
NINJA MASTER: JEFF GIBERSTEIN
SURGEONITA: KIM DAVIS
BP 160/90
HR 97
NNNRREEOW: GEOFF JOHNS

NARRATOR: Better than he was before.

{The Mexican's eyes snap open.}

NARRATOR: Stronger.

{The Mexican bends a steel pipe, then snaps a taco.}

NARRATOR: Faster.

{The Mexican does the Mexican hat dance so fast, he is just a blur.}

CAPTION: THE SIX MILLION PESO MAN

{The Six Million Peso Man stands in a desert with a scientist and some government officials.}

OFFICIAL 1: Six Million Peso Man, your country needs you. Are you ready for your mission?

{The Six Million Peso Man turns and runs in slow motion, then jumps over the fence of the U.S. border. He speeds over the mountains and out of sight.}

OFFICIAL 2: There's 283 American dollars we won't see again.

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