[The title card forms while a wolf howls in the backround. We then cut to Randy's house.]

Randy: Mom, where's my costume?

Mrs. McCormick: Here it is, Randy: Power Rangers costume, just what you wanted.

Randy: It's a girl's costume!

[The doorbell rings.]

Randy: (horrified) My friends are here!

Mrs. McCormick: They won't care what color your costume is.

[But later, his friends laugh uncontrollably.]

Trick Or Treater # 1: Randy's going as Elton John this year.

Randy: F**k you guys!

Randy: Mom, I need a trick or treat bag.

Mrs. McCormick: We're out of shopping bags, honey. Just use this.

[She hands him a purse, and the other kids continue to laugh.]

Trick Or Treater # 2: Nice purse, lady!

[We cut to a neighbor's house.]

Young Man: Here you are, little girl. (gives Randy some candy)

[The others start to snicker at this.]

Randy: That does it! I'm going home.

[They still snicker when Randy unsuccessfully tries to remove his helmet.]

Randy: It's too small. I.....I can't get it off!

Trick Or Treater # 3: This is the greatest Halloween ever.

[A set of soprts car tires screeches behind the boys.]

Trick Or Treater # 4: (fearful) It's Armpit! RUN!

[The trick-or-treaters scream and run, and then we cut to Armpit himself.]

Armpit: (chuckles evilly and grabs one kid) Come here!

[He then throws him on the house behind him, and them grabs two more, smacks them into each other, and takes their bags.]

Armpit: Hey, baby. You, me, going for a ride.

Randy: (frightened) No...

[The two drive off in Armpit's car.]

Trick Or Treater # 5: (worried) Oh, no. Armpit's gonna rape Randy.

[Armpit shakes his car in distress, making it squeak.]

Armpit: (weeping and wailing) Nobody... understands me. I-I tried to fit in, but I'm filled with so much rage. Why did my soccer coach do that to me? (groans and wails some more) You know what, sweet heart? I didn't even get your name.

Randy: Uhhh..

[A gunshot sounds with a light that is held by a police officer next to the car.]

Police Officer: Are you Randy McCormick?

Randy: (gasping in amazement) Yes! Oh, thank goodness you're here! I'm Randy McCormick.

Armpit: Randy McCormick?!! I'm gonna kill you, man!

[Armpit groans, and drives away into the night.]

Police Officer: Randy, I'm afraid your mom's dead.

Randy: What?!?

Police Officer: It was a fire, son. It appears that she could only write this note that said she never loved you.

Randy: Oh, no!

Police Officer: Right before she shot your dog. (brightening) Have a happy Halloween.

[He then drives away, too, leaving Randy all alone in the night.]

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