(The Tooth Fairy is flying outside and a sweet song is playing. The Tooth Fairy arrives at a house and gives a boy a quarter for his teeth and strokes his face. The boy wakes due to his mom and dad talking)
Mom: Where the hell have you been?
Dad: It's none of your business!
Mom: None of my business?!? It isn't my business that you come home every night at 2 am?
(The parents continue to fight)
Child: Are you really a Tooth Fairy?
Tooth Fairy: Uh.. Yeah..
Dad: Damn right it isn't.
Mom: Maybe you'd rather be with your whore.
Dad: Don't you DARE call her that!
Mom: You admit it! You unbelievable bastard!
Dad: That is IT! (sound of the mom getting hit while the child and Tooth Fairy look shocked.)
Dad: I'm gonna shut you up once and for all. (mom gets hit a couple more times)
Mom: You put that down!
Dad: You get your hands off me! GET OFF!
(A gun shot is heard)
Tooth Fairy: Shhh.
(The Tooth Fairy walks out of the boy's room, to confront the arguing parents outside)
Father: Who the hell are you?! (The Tooth Fairy is fighting with the Father. A gun is heard again.The Tooth Fairy comes in to the boy again with blood on her clothes)
(She sits down with the boy a couple minutes, then she gives him another quarter, much to the boys delight)
Tooth Fairy: You be good now. (She leaves out the door)
(Alternative ending):
(A gunshot is heard and the sound of someone hitting the ground dead is heard. The father opens the door with a bloody shirt and a suitcase)
Father: Hey Champ! Uh... Okay, pack up! You and me are going on vacation...uh..to Disneyland!
Child: Is mom coming?
Father: DISNEYLAND!
Alternative Ending 2:
Police officer 1: Freeze!
Dad: Freeze?! When I drop a fairy?! You know I am only getting started, motherfu--
Police officer 1: Hey, sir, put down the weapon! Put down the wea-- [The dad starts shooting until the police arrest him]
Police officer 1: Stay down!
Police officer 2: On the ground!
Police officer 1: Stay right down!
Police officer 2: Spread your legs.
Police officer 1: Don't move.
Police officer 2: Put your hands behind your back, sir.
(The dad is taken away in a police car, leaving the child alone in the house. A band, an award presenter, hula dancer, the dad and the Tooth Fairy enter the child's room.
Award Presenter: Congratulations! This is the darkest sketch in television history!
Award, Presenter, Hula Dance, Dad & Tooth Fairy: (chanting) Darkest Sketch! Darkest Sketch! Darkest Sketch!