FANDOM


[We start with a teenage boy walking up to a used car salesman.]

Salesman: May I help you, son?

Teen Boy: My dad said I could get a bitching sweet ride for my birthday, but... it has to be under 500 bones.

Salesman: I think I've got just the thing. (takes out a blue stick from his jacket and hands it to the boy)

Teen Boy: (confused) Um... what the hell is this?

Salesman: Oh, no, no. (mimics holding the stick with both hands) Hold it as shown.

[Still confused, the boy holds the stick with both hands, making it glow brightly.]

Teen Boy: (shocked) Whoa, whoa, wait! What's it doing?!

[As he says this, a Light-Cycle from the movie Tron forms itself around him, making him fall forward onto his belly. When it is fully formed, it zooms away from the used car parking lot, speeds by some telephone poles, and comes to a brick wall with lots of writing on it. The boy screams in alarm and holds on tight to the stick as this happens. Just when it is about to crash into the wall, the Light-Cycle zooms to the left, making the boy flop to one side. We then cut a hobo that has just finished urinating and is about to walk away when the Light-Cycle speeds right over him, crushing him to the sidewalk. A second later, a dog walks up to urinate on the hobo, who looks down with concern. Then the Light-Cycle speeds down a flight of steps, and a skateboarder tries to skate on the blue light track, but loses his balance, lands on his crotch, yelps in pain, and falls off-screen. Afterwards, the Light-Cycle zooms over a cross-shaped road, and two cars (one red and one yellow) crash into its left-behind track, exploding on impact and killing their drivers. Next, the Light-Cycle speeds by a policeman on a motorcycle.]

Policeman: (thinks the boy is deliberately speeding) Pull this thing over- right now!

Teen Boy: I don't know how to... stop!

[The Light-Cycle zooms around a garbage truck that pulls out of a driveway, and the policeman crashes his motorcycle into the left-behind track, explodes it on impact, and dies instantly. Next, the Light-Cycle zooms into a field and starts going around in circles.]

Teen Boy: This is freaking awesome!

[But suddenly, the Light-Cycle's spiral starts to get smaller and faster, worrying the boy.]

Teen Boy: Uh-oh.

[The spiral gets even smaller, making the boy scream in panic. Finally, when it can no longer spin around, it crashes into its own track, also explodes on impact, and kills the boy instantly. Then its track seeps into the ground and vanishes, and we snap to a geeky boy that talks with the same salesman.]

Geek: I have a very small penis.

Salesman: Oh, so you must be looking for an SUV.

Geek: No, a very, very small penis.

Salesman: Perhaps a.. Hummer H2?

Geek: (laughs and slaps his head) Uh, you are misinterpreting the insignificance of this penis. It's- it's literally concave.

Salesman: I think I have just the thing.

[The next shot shows the geek flying in a Recognizer (which is also from Tron).]

Geek: Oh, yes! This is very satisfying! Look at the size of my backed-up penis!

[As he says this, he flies through a city and crashes into one of the buildings; then the sketch finishes.]

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.