• Gonzo: For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining what the hell I am.
  • Hooded Killer: No! For your next feat, you die! (The Hooded Killer fires a cannon, decapitating Gonzo, and Gonzo's headless corpse falls on the hot coals. Then the Hooded Killer throws a deflated kiddie pool onto the coals.)

(Scene cuts to Gonzo's funeral and burial ceremony)

  • Kermit: Gonzo died as he lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, MISTER STEVE MARTIN! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!
  • Steve Martin: (With a prank arrow hat on his head) "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..."
  • Miss Piggy (interrupting): Ooh, are we burying him in a Sybian? (Camilla the Chicken clucks and jumps on Gonzo's casket as it gets lowered into the ground)
  • Fozzie: You know, the last time a Muppet died was...
  • Steve Martin (interrupting): Excuse me?
  • Fozzie: Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"?
  • Steve Martin: No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the (d**k) outta your mouth?!
  • Kermit: Wow, Steve’s working blue, but he’s right. We vowed never to talk about...that night. (Muppets turn to look at Scooter who is actually his sister Skeeter in disguise, who has risen from the grave. Skeeter waves at them.)

(Scene cuts to Fozzie practicing for a performance)

  • Fozzie: And then the dad says, "The Aristocrats"! Wocka-wocka!
  • Hooded Killer: (appears at Fozzie's door) Hey, Fozzie? Why did the bear turn red?
  • Fozzie: I don’t know, stranger.
  • Hooded Killer: Because he was em-BEAR-rassed!
  • Fozzie: (Sarcastically claps) Wocka-wocka...
  • Hooded Killer: Then how about this? Because I (f**king) STAB HIM! (Killer stabs Fozzie in the neck and then in the back with a knife. Fozzie stumbles weakly onstage.)
  • Fozzie: What a showstopper. Ooohh! (Falls on stage)
  • Statler: See? I told you the bear was gonna die on stage tonight. (Statler and Waldorf laugh)
  • Fozzie: Hey, guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance?
  • Waldorf: You're an ambulance. (Statler and Waldorf laugh again, and Fozzie is dragged offscreen by the Hooded Killer and murdered. Then a red wagon is rolled out on stage)
  • Kermit: (Penguins roll Fozzie's dead body away) First Gonzo, now Fozzie. Could we be paying the price for what we did to...?
  • Miss Piggy: Don’t say that name, Kermie.
  • Kermit: OOOH, Miss Piggy’s telling me what to do. Wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Piggy’s telling me what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in Y! (Scooter walks by carrying a boxful of props) Hey, uh, Scooter?
  • Scooter: Oh! Hey there, boss.
  • Kermit: We need to talk about Skeeter’s death.
  • Scooter: Why, sure. I love talking about my twin sister, if not for that tragic accident...
  • Kermit: You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. I got something I gotta tell you.

(Cut to a flashback of Muppet Babies)

  • Baby Kermit: Let’s play The Little Mermaid!
  • Baby Fozzie: Let’s question Kermit’s sexuality. Wocka-wocka!
  • Baby Scooter: Hold on! Let me grab my floaties. (Leaves)
  • Baby Skeeter: What a nerd.
  • Baby Piggy: Ahem. Moi will play "La Petite Mermaid".
  • Baby Skeeter: Mermaids aren't fat! (she shoves Baby Piggy)
  • Baby Kermit: Yikes! Skeeter, if you only take my advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away. (Skeeter smacks Kermit)
  • Baby Kermit: Yeah, who's the homo now?

(Skeeter beats up Fozzie, and Skeeter gets hit in the back by Kermit with a red wagon and knocked headfirst into the baby pool)

  • Baby Kermit: If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever. (All Muppet Babies agree and drown Skeeter in the pool)
  • All Muppet Babies: NANNY!


  • Scooter: You killed my sister?!?
  • Kermit: Yeah, well, It was 60% self-defense. But we're kind of burying the lead here. We think Skeeter’s come back from the grave for revenge!
  • Scooter: Oh, Skeeter will have her revenge… (Skeeter reveals herself to be not actually Scooter, as well as the hooded killer)
  • Kermit and Miss Piggy: AAAAHHH!!!
  • Skeeter: (takes out knife, and thrusts it at Kermit) Fifteen seconds till your death!
  • Miss Piggy: HIIII-YAH! (Jumps to kick her, but misses) Wuh!
  • Skeeter: Here it comes! Showtime! (Camilla clucks, holding a bow and arrow. Subtitle: "Get away from her, you bitch!")
  • Skeeter: You can’t shoot me! Chickens don’t even have fingers! (Camilla fires an arrow, which runs through Skeeter's head, killing her once again) OOHH!! (Falls to the floor dead with Steve Martin behind her)
  • Steve Martin : That bit never gets old. (Dances as funny music starts)
  • (episode and sketch ends)