- Draco Malfoy: Look Potter, I've taught the Sorting Hat a new trick.
- [Malfoy places it onto Harry Potter's head]
- Sorting Hat: Virgin.
- [Students laugh]
- Malfoy: Looks like Potter is "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Laid." Heheh. Guess the monster Pubertis hasn't quite caught up with you yet, huh?
- Hermione: Ugh, Pubertis is just a myth, Malfoy!
- [Malfoy places the hat on Hermione's Head]
- Sorting Hat: Second base!
- [Students gasp]
- Professor McGonagall: Class, today we shall be learning spells which gives objects the property of wood.
- Harry Potter: Property of wood? That's happening to me right now! Pubertis!
- [Harry enters Dumbledore's chamber]
- Harry Potter: Professor Dumbledore, I think the monster Pubertis has cursed me!
- Dumbledore: Yo!
- Harry Potter: Who are you?
- Dumbledore: Aw, Harry it's me, Dumbledore.
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